I found this blog entry draft that I never published. I really love going back and reading things I felt/experienced from a few years ago and reflecting on where I was in my life then, and where I am now. This list is actually incredibly helpful and I believe it guided me to my current partner. Care to read the inner tickings of my then-dating heart? <3
“As yet another fleeting relationship with a man comes to an end, I gather my pride (not too much was lost, thank goodness), my reasons for leaving, my memories of really delicious vegan food outings, and smile that I have an even sharper, more honed sense of what I want in a partnership — essentially, a friendship-based relationship with my soulmate.
My editor and great friend asked me to write a list of non-negotiables straight from my dating heart; in an effort to narrow the road to my divine love. I have no idea what I’m going to write, but I will try not to edit too much. Here goes!
*Has integrity, discipline and self-love, with love to spare* without these there is nothing.
1) No smokers
2) No narcissists
3) Must love kids, dogs, and be mostly vegetarian
4) Must love the ocean
5) Must be a kind human being. Nuff said!
6) Must be marriage-minded
7) Must absolutely – with all of their being – love and adore me. Support my endeavors, understand my plight, be around enough to really know me, and give me enough space to grow and soar.
8) Not be jealous.
9) Not necessarily have a drug addled past, as most of my exes do.
10) Have a strong love for their mother
11) Be very sexually attracted to me and have a high sex drive.
12) Be into monogamy, with me able to explore with women at times with or without him present.
13) Love himself, respect himself, be health-focused, progressive politically, non-judgmental, a feminist, humanist and animal lover.
14) Must have some kind of spiritual path.
15) See a future for us that he is willing to invest time, energy, money, imagination, his spirit and his body in.
16) Be present for us.
17) Not be out of town more than in town.
18) Be an affectionate person. A sensual person. Not a grouch!
19) Love life and the people in it.
20) Have a connection to nature, travel, instinct, be intuitive, able to listen and receive lessons from me a well as teach me. Have a professorial nature without condescension, and above all, value closeness, and be able to see the details as well as the big picture.
21) Be financially thriving with the ability to rebuild as needed; ambitious and able-minded.
22) Like strong women, pedestalize without knocking down.
23) Wants one fantasy girl, not a hundred.
24) No sex addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics or other active abusers, or addicts that run shitty recovery programs. Sorry. Been there and done that. Many many times.
25) Somebody that lives in the present. Is not depressed all the time, is not overly religious, has a sense of the power and urgency of now without a ton of anxiety, and can sit and breathe inside his flesh and blood without distraction, hatred or self loathing, or a need to criticize others to bolster his ego; is unusually evolved sexually, spiritually, and emotionally, and mentally – somebody brilliant and well-read, who values education and the school of hard knocks, who is not riding the high horse to heaven or hell, has developed ideas of how he feels politically, and romantically, and about women – is not a female novice; does not hold grudges, loves kids, loves the beach, hiking and camping (to get me outdoors more), can respect that I need a lot of time alone, take extra time to make decisions sometimes, has the patience to love me unconditionally, and realizes — upon first meeting me, that his life cannot go on in any capacity with the sparkle and light and thunder that he so desires it to, if he doesn’t snatch me up and take me off the market. Because he now sees everything he was missing, in one single glance.”