Dating & Gender

‘Masterminds & Wingmen’ – New SuicideGirls Interview!

November 5th, 2013 | Activism, Dating & Gender, Suicide Girls/SG Radio | Comments Off

Hi all,

I know I’ve been naughty about keeping in touch! But, I’ve emerged from the ethers. ;) This interview (my first in nine months!) was so worth the wait – I promise! Speaking to Rosalind Wiseman, bestselling author of Queen Bees & Wannabes, the inspiration behind Tina Fey’s Mean Girls movie, was truly eye-opening. This time around, she turns the spotlight on boys. With the help of hundreds of tweens and teens, Wiseman covers the art of social war for guys, including hook up culture, locker room talk, violent video games, and their deep emotional life. Please read, comment and share on your social networks and send it to friends, parents and educators you know. Anybody who has boys in their life!

XOX

Red, White and Femme: Don’t You Know That It’s Different For Boys

Masterminds & Wingmen Author Rosalind Wiseman Talks Hooking Up, Raising Better Boys and How To Deal With Cyber Bullies

by Darrah de jour

Masterminds & Wingmen from James M. Edwards on Vimeo.

Author Rosalind Wiseman’s bestselling book Queen Bees & Wannabes was the inspiration for the film Mean Girls,Tina Fey’s hilarious and dead-on satire of high school hierarchies. Back when Lindsay Lohan could sincerely portray a wide-eyed new girl on campus, we all related as she struggled to fit in, be herself, and decode the oft confusing and conniving girl world. In Wiseman’s latest work, she turns her attention to boys; breaking the guy code for parents, educators and young men themselves. With suicide and incarceration rates of boys averaging five to eight times those of girls, this boy bible is needed more than ever. Revealing their capacity for deep emotional life, Wiseman, a foremost anti-bullying activist, offers an important foundation to better understand and communicate with today’s boys.

Darrah de jour: How did you get started as an educator and social justice advocate?

Rosalind Wiseman: Strangely enough, I started by teaching self defense to girls, shortly after I graduated from college. I fell into it, and started a non-profit. I very quickly got to a place of wanting to address the root causes of violence. I went into where girls and boys were and I ran a non-profit for about ten years. I wrote a curricula for social competence, bullying prevention, media literacy and ethical leadership that’s used in many schools and organizations to this day.

DDJ: I remember taking self defense and it had such a powerful effect on me. It even changed my dreams.

RW: Yes, makes sense to me. It’s so fundamental [to] our sense of power and self agency over our bodies. So, if we change that, and feel better about it, it really changes the way we walk through the world.

DDJ: Something particularly unique about your method of relating to teens is that you provide a safe space for them to share their stories and feelings. I remember after the Columbine shooting, when asked what he’d say to the shooters, Marilyn Manson famously replied, “I wouldn’t say anything. I’d listen to them. Which nobody else did.” What drew you to working with tweens and teens –– especially with relation to hot topics like bullying, self-esteem and cliques?

RW: This has been the only job I’ve ever had. I graduated from college and started working on these issues. Very quickly, as a young person in her early 20s, I was struck by how many adults were giving advice but weren’t listening to the kids. So the advice was not helpful. It was not reflective of what the kids were going through. It could be very patronizing. It’s an amazing thing to have to listen to advice from somebody who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. And if you try and argue or present a different point of view it’s perceived by some adults as being disrespectful. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand that we were teaching children but we were not doing our due diligence to present them with the best information possible. That included listening to them.

Read the rest at SuicideGirls Blog.

Reprinted by GirlieGirl Army.

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Girls Rising

June 12th, 2013 | Activism, Dating & Gender | Comments Off

On Sunday, June 16 at 6pm PST, CNN will broadcast an original documentary by Academy Award winning director Richard E. Robbins, award-winning Documentary Group, Vulcan Productions and Intel Corporation called Girl Rising – a feature film about the power of education to change a girl — and the world.

Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Selena Gomez and other A-list actresses contribute voice performances to the film, which features original music from Academy Award winner Rachel Portman, in collaboration with Hans Zimmer.

The film spotlights unforgettable girls like Sokha, an orphan who rises from the dumps of Cambodia to become a star student and an accomplished dancer; Suma, who composes music to help her endure forced servitude in Nepal and today crusades to free others; and Ruksana, an Indian “pavement-dweller” whose father sacrifices his own basic needs for his daughter’s dreams. Each girl is paired with a renowned writer from her native country. Edwidge Danticat, Sooni Taraporevala Aminatta Forna and others tell the girls’ stories, all with profound resonance.

The obstacles they have faced are ubiquitous. Like the 66 million girls around the world who dream of going to school, what Sokha, Suma, Ruksana and the rest want most is to learn. And now, by sharing their personal journeys, they have become teachers.

Visit www.girlrising.com to learn how to bring Girl Rising to your local theater and support them on Facebook.


[YOUTUBE]

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The Hunger

February 1st, 2013 | Dating & Gender | Comments Off

This month, ELLE delivers one of the best reader essays yet! A compelling, at times languid and un-put-downable story about an aging wife and mother of three who begins the descent into an extra-marital affair. What makes this story so captivating are a few original themes. We don’t often read about women having a “mid-life crisis,” and/or a female perspective to an affair. We don’t often read such brave and frustrating and colorful writing in a monthly women’s magazine (or ever, dare I say?) and last, her age and experience and intelligence – both intellectually and sexually, lend such insights. I didn’t understand all of her references at first (to history, literature and art) but they were worth looking up! Even if you don’t agree with everything she offers, this is a must-read and must-share item! xox

“The further away that bright shore of youth gets, the more desperately one struggles to reach it.” Writer, Ilena Greewood

[Click on images below to enlarge and magnify]

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Jennifer Lawrence, Photoshop and That Voice!

January 30th, 2013 | Dating & Gender | Comments Off

Jennifer Lawrence, star of Silver Linings Playbook. Golden Globe and SAG Award Winner for Best Leading Actress. Kentucky-born. Natural curves, raspy mezzo voice and messy brunette hair. Doll-like skin. Glorious. Embraces her imperfections. Jokes that she has the ass of a 90-year-old woman. An amazing actress just coming into her own. 22 years old.

She said this:

What an inspiration! Unfortunately, today, this Italian magazine cover reveals what gets in the way of THAT awesome message reaching women and other actresses:

Unrecognizable, thanks to Photoshop. Hmmm… me thinks JenLaw needs to speak out on this! And, given her track record, not unlike Kate Winslet, who has numerous times objected to the digital tweaking done on her body, the odds are good that she will!

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Red, White and Femme: Who’s Your Guru? Sex Crimes and Small Town Exaltation of Athletes

January 16th, 2013 | Activism, Dating & Gender, Suicide Girls/SG Radio | Comments Off

By Darrah Le Montre

UPDATE 3/17/2013: The two defendants in the Steubenville, OH rape case have been found “delinquent” on all three charges. Delinquent is the equivalent of guilty in juvenile court. Read the full story here.

UPDATE: I’m honored to announce that my article has been chosen as Recommended Reading for High Schools across the nation!

On August 11/12th of last year, a 16-year old girl in Steubenville, Ohio, was allegedly repeatedly sexually assaulted by members of Steubenville High School’s almighty Big Red Football team. When the story subsequently broke worldwide, it divided a small town and forced us to question the future of our men.

A self-described member of a group that call themselves the “Rape Crew,” Nodianos, or “Nodi” as his teammates call him, starred in an incriminating, vile smart phone video that was posted to YouTube on the night of the alleged assault, then taken down, then reposted to the web by KnightSec and Commander X, who are both affiliated with the Anonymous hacktivist hive. This video features “Nodi” – who clearly borders on sociopathic – maniacally laughing and apparently providing a play-by-play of the repeated gang rape of the 16-year old female victim. During the course of his commentary, he frequently refers to her as the “dead body.”

Events like this force people out of their copacetic, pacified state of separateness, and push us to admit we are all connected. Transgressions like these beg questions about social responsibility, technology’s role in our lives, who is teaching what to our children, what it means to be a father and mother, and why we are even debating whether unconscious means consensual.

Read the rest at: SUICIDEGIRLS BLOG

This article was reprinted by GIRLIEGIRL ARMY.

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Mumford & Sons ‘I Will Wait’ Live -and- Some Words on Love…

January 6th, 2013 | Dating & Gender, srBlog archives | Comments Off


[Mumford&Sons]

I deeply believe in the divinity of timing. The perfect storm comes together and your life coincides with somebody else’s; but for whatever reason, you cannot be together. I get so much advice from varying sources to aid me in my quest to find a lover/soul mate/husband. Whether it’s my mother praying for a grandchild, my married friends trying to live vicariously through me, or my elders who – with fantastic intuition – urge me to be honest and upfront with my lovers. Then there’s my single girlfriends with all of their coy text tricks that confuse even me! – I just get so much advice!

Lately, I’ve been reveling in my new friendships. Wonderful, enriching, fun, carefree, artistic, artful friendships are abound, and I’m SO enjoying the times I’m sharing with reckless abandon. And, yes, I’ve had some incredibly fabulous and intimate times, too. But, what I’ve come to realize, as my latest lover heads back home to New York is this… I can only be honest. I can only enjoy those fleeting moments of intimacy as they come. I can only be myself and indulge, enjoy and sometimes – wait – before I give of myself. At the end of the day, I am elusive as I am a straight shooter and depending on the day, my lovers are afforded the luxury of my varying moods. Lucky for me, I’ve had some wonderful men in my life that embrace me with arms wide open. Regardless of whether I’m heeding somebody else’s guidance, or throwing caution to the wind and texting them that I can’t stop thinking about them…

Here’s to 2013, and all she may have to offer. From here, on my couch with Oscar, I hope you are happy as all get out, and madly deeply in love!

With love, In health,

Darrah xo

 

“I Will Wait” Lyrics

I fell heavy into your arms…

And I’ll kneel down

Wait for now.

Break my step

And relent

You forgave;

And I won’t forget…

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Can You Sidestep Your Insecurities?

December 23rd, 2012 | Dating & Gender | Comments Off

In this Marie Claire first, an article written by a lesbian, about her lesbian relationship is featured – without any fetish, heavy reference or idiosyncrasy. Well, other than that the writer finds herself in a unique conundrum. Stephanie Fairyington is deeply in love with her girlfriend, and desires the physical closeness of other couples. Unfortunately, Fairyington is tied up in knots about revealing the one physical attribute, she feels, makes her equipped to join the Carnivale. Her feet! Read the rest to find out if she overcomes this fear…

Is there a body part you’d never show a lover? Leave comments below this post!

[click on image to enlarge and magnify.]

Don’t worry! I got your back. What cut off from the article? “…a pair. Baby steps.”

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The Honeymoon Is(n’t) Over!

November 21st, 2012 | Dating & Gender | Comments Off

Daily sex with your spouse sounds peachy. But who actually does that?! What are the benefits, downfalls – if any? In this month’s Marie Claire, one writer candidly describes she and her hubby’s choice to maintain a spicy sex life; and the repercussions of telling their friends about it.

After a sex-less marriage that better resembled a really close friendship, writer Agnes Dawson met her current man. Together – every spankin’ day – they roll around like thunder under the covers. She says, “A year after my divorce, I met my current husband through friends. It was like opening the best present either of us had ever gotten.” Read the rest of her delicious tale under the picture of the naked people!

[click on images below to magnify them.]

What do you think? Is daily hanky panky something you covet… or is this something of an urban sex legend?

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Honey, I’m Unemployed!

November 12th, 2012 | Dating & Gender, srBlog archives | Comments Off

This month, Marie Claire offers unique stories from women whose husbands lost their jobs, and remained unemployed… for awhile. Where some wives took on the role of micro-job-hunting-manager, others found that having a dude around the house that offers career and emotional support, picks up the kids from school, and does the dishes after dinner was A-OK with them! Stay-at-home husband is the new black. Who knew?

What would you do if your romantic partner lost their job, and didn’t exactly find another (traditional) one…?

[Click on images below to magnify.]

Gender role casserole – new and better tasting than ever!

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Red, White and Femme: ‘Celebrity Rehab’ Star and Recovering Love Addict Rachel Uchitel

November 8th, 2012 | Dating & Gender, Suicide Girls/SG Radio | Comments Off

<b>Red, White and Femme:  From Tiger Woods to Motherhood — ‘Celebrity Rehab’ Star And Recovering Love Addict  Rachel Uchitel Today</b>

I had a spirited and juicy conversation with Uchitel about how those infamous affairs (Bones star David Boreanaz) changed her life, and who she is now as a wife and new mom. Rachel talks candidly about love addiction and recovery, her proclivity for pills, and why Dr. Drewis the rehab king.

Read the story at: SUICIDEGIRLS. Please re-post, and leave your comments below the piece! Thanks for your support! xox

Our interview was reprinted by GirlieGirl Army.

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