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What I Want In A Man

I found this blog entry draft that I never published. I really love going back and reading things I felt/experienced from a few years ago and reflecting on where I was in my life then, and where I am now. This list is actually incredibly helpful and I believe it guided me to my current partner. Care to read the inner tickings of my then-dating heart? <3

“As yet another fleeting relationship with a man comes to an end, I gather my pride (not too much was lost, thank goodness), my reasons for leaving, my memories of really delicious vegan food outings, and smile that I have an even sharper, more honed sense of what I want in a partnership — essentially, a friendship-based relationship with my soulmate.

My editor and great friend asked me to write a list of non-negotiables straight from my dating heart; in an effort to narrow the road to my divine love.  I have no idea what I’m going to write, but I will try not to edit too much.  Here goes!

*Has integrity, discipline and self-love, with love to spare* without these there is nothing.

1) No smokers

2) No narcissists

3) Must love kids, dogs, and be mostly vegetarian

4) Must love the ocean

5) Must be a kind human being.  Nuff said!

6) Must be marriage-minded

7) Must absolutely – with all of their being – love and adore me.  Support my endeavors, understand my plight, be around enough to really know me, and give me enough space to grow and soar.

8) Not be jealous.

9) Not necessarily have a drug addled past, as most of my exes do.

10) Have a strong love for their mother

11) Be very sexually attracted to me and have a high sex drive.

12) Be into monogamy, with me able to explore with women at times with or without him present.

13) Love himself, respect himself, be health-focused, progressive politically, non-judgmental, a feminist, humanist and animal lover.

14) Must have some kind of spiritual path.

15) See a future for us that he is willing to invest time, energy, money, imagination, his spirit and his body in.

16) Be present for us.

17) Not be out of town more than in town.

18) Be an affectionate person.  A sensual person.  Not a grouch!

19) Love life and the people in it.

20) Have a connection to nature, travel, instinct, be intuitive, able to listen and receive lessons from me a well as teach me.  Have a professorial nature without condescension, and above all, value closeness, and be able to see the details as well as the big picture.

21) Be financially thriving with the ability to rebuild as needed; ambitious and able-minded.

22) Like strong women, pedestalize without knocking down.

23) Wants one fantasy girl, not a hundred.

24) No sex addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics or other active abusers, or addicts that run shitty recovery programs.  Sorry.  Been there and done that.  Many many times.

25) Somebody that lives in the present.  Is not depressed all the time, is not overly religious, has a sense of the power and urgency of now without a ton of anxiety, and can sit and breathe inside his flesh and blood without distraction, hatred or self loathing, or a need to criticize others to bolster his ego; is unusually evolved sexually, spiritually, and emotionally, and mentally – somebody brilliant and well-read, who values education and the school of hard knocks, who is not riding the high horse to heaven or hell, has developed ideas of how he feels politically, and romantically, and about women – is not a female novice; does not hold grudges, loves kids, loves the beach, hiking and camping (to get me outdoors more), can respect that I need a lot of time alone, take extra time to make decisions sometimes, has the patience to love me unconditionally, and realizes — upon first meeting me, that his life cannot go on in any capacity with the sparkle and light and thunder that he so desires it to, if he doesn’t snatch me up and take me off the market.  Because he now sees everything he was missing, in one single glance.”

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Darrah Goes Hardcore

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Hey guys, I had so much fun filming a few scenes for bestselling zen author Brad Warner’s part-real, part-fiction documentary HARDCORE ZEN. Below is a sneak peek of my role as Debra. If you’re one of the lucky 100 who get the DVD with extras, you’ll get to see me in a super raunchy and funny sex scene.

[Zen and Fame: A sneak peek of Darrah’s role as a zen groupie in Brad Warner Documentary – VIDEO]

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

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Freaks & Geeks: Darrah Interviewed on Dark Mark Radio Show!


As part of a very informal press “tour” for the spoof zombie movie, ZOMBIE BOUNTY HUNTER, M.D., I appeared on Goth Comedian Dark Mark’s radio show/podcast at Skidrow Studios about a week ago. Smart and funny Dark Mark and his devilish co-host Josi Kat (Singer for punk band PISS ANT, founder of THE FEARLEADERS, the cheerleading squad to the LA Derby Dolls Roller Derby Team) interviewed me and my blonde, bespectacled co-star Hannah Elizabeth Pierce with director Pirooz Kalayeh. We dished about naughty behind-the-scenes tidbits, dating older men, and later, sideshow performer Whodini sixteenninetytwo showed off his dangerous side.

Watch the full video of our interview below! Listen to the podcast, here.


A little about Goth Comedian Dark Mark: He has hosted at The CONVERGENCE 18 GOTH FESTIVAL, The SAN LUIS OBISBO GOTH FESTIVAL, The DEAD FLESH FEAST HORROR FESTIVAL, The SUNSET STRIP MUSIC FESTIVAL (also featuring Marilyn Manson, Offspring, Bad Religion and De La Soul) as well as Kinky shows at S & M Dungeons and has been featured on Andy Dick Live! Mark has been a 9-time LA Times Comedy pick of the week as well as being a Las Vegas Citylife pick of the week. Mark White has performed with the biggest names in comedy including performers such as Steven Wright, Jerry Seinfeld, Margaret Cho, Dane Cook, Andrew “Dice” Clay, Damon Wayans, Otto and George, Eddie Griffin, Jeff Ross, Maria Bambford, and George Lopez among others.

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Activists Stand On Shaky Ground

aftershock cover

Activists fight daily against oppression in myriad ways. Whether you are defending the rights of animals; taking sides in the “War on Terror” or trying your damnedest to legalize marijuana, you risk burnout. pattrice jones’s new book Aftershock aims to help pro-active peaceful warriors with activist overwhelm.  It includes practical tips for individuals, organizations, and communities, as well as info about how traumatic events affect our bodies (read: PTSD).

Don’t let your passions break you. As an animal lover and vegetarian since a teenager, I’ve passionately mounted ideas and movements, like environmentalism, recycling, HIV/AIDS fundraising, etc. only to become burdened by the sadness that surrounds these heavy issues. I look forward to delving into Aftershock. If you pick it up, leave me a note and let me know if it helped!

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Zombie Bounty Hunter, M.D.

Hey friends!

I had the pleasure of working with director Pirooz Kalayeh (SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL) and bestselling Zen author Brad Warner on a fun zombie spoof movie! If you happen to remember, I had a two-day shoot with this team in 2012 as part of HARDCORE ZEN, a mockumentary about Warner’s life as a Zen monk. I played Debra, a Zen groupie.

For ZOMBIE BOUNTY HUNTER, M.D., I play Lara Steele of Steele News, a blogger on a mission, during the zombie apocalypse! Watch the Indiegogo campaign trailer below, and please support us so we can play at festivals and spread our debauchery nationwide!

The Indiegogo fundraiser has some pretty cool perks, such as artwork by Jeffrey Brown (DARTH VADER & SON) digital downloads of the soundtrack featuring SPINDRIFT, autographed books by Brad Warner, and DVDs, Blu Rays, and flash drives with all kinds of extras.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Thanks & Kiss! xoxo

Lara Steele – Blogger from Pirooz Kalayeh on Vimeo.

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Daisy Sighs

In her crib she twists with a snorting nose

waiting for me to fix it.

Her skin melts the touch. Softer than the softest petal.

Her laughing is sudden and contagious. Her smiles are a game of Where’s Waldo.

So gratifying is Daisy.


Her hair is full and plenty – from the start. Dark and light both. Eyebrows of blonde and orange.

She holds my finger so tightly. Sometimes, her nails scratch me when she’s startled.

Gripping for safety. I’ll keep you safe.

All of life is worth another ticking clock and exhale; when Daisy sighs.


Can’t wait to see you in the morning, Daisy!

Reaching for her and pulling her in. Smelling her unique baby scent. Every eyelash, I’ve memorized.

I’ll spend eternity remembering you.

My sweet petal of a girl. So furiously strong for your size. Every want I will meet as I can, sweet Daisy.

Your music already has me under your spell. Your daddy too.


The clicking keys have woken you. As you daydream in bed. About the books we read you, perhaps? The puppets we

model in front of your face? The sparkling, glittery lights of the tranquil turtle toy? Or the brand new faces that peer into your path, before your protective mommy pushes them away, by covering you with a blanket.

Or maybe, milk. Expressed from my breasts. For your life to continue with vigor. My breath of spring. Oh, Daisy.

Healthy and strong. Happy and deliciously addictive. A field of life beside me everyday! How lucky I’ve become. Everyday.

Daisy… my daisy… my daisy… my daisy.

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Bun in the Oven!


Found this from when I was preggers in July! Guess I never hit send! (And, yes, I did find the shirt… ;)

I’m so thrilled to be pregnant and everyday is so special. Today, I was doing great, getting things unpacked and enjoying my new abode, when all of the sudden I got really tired! I laid down and two and a half hours later, I woke up to the front door opening and my honey getting home from work. The weather, hormones, activity, and how difficult it is to find a comfy position during the night all contribute to the necessity of mid-day naps!! ;)

I’m so grateful to have the most amazing man to call my own and the father of my baby. He’s super supportive, understanding, masculine and creative and is always finding ways to make me feel alive, centered and adored.

The pregnancy has definitely brought my family closer. My mom is stoked and we talk more often.

I’m eating very healthily, with a few cravings, such as: citrus fruits, pickle juice, vegetarian cuisine (I had to give up my beloved sushi!), and a major change was adding some dairy to my diet, which was previously a no-no, as I’m lactose-intolerant. Your body needs what it needs, and I’ve preferred vanilla yogurt and a few other dairy items (ice cream!) during this radical and fabulous time. And, I can’t get enough sour candy – Sour Patch Kids and gummy worms are my favorite. ;)

My honey and I had an amazing holiday in Hawaii, visiting Maui and indulging in oceanside massages, shopping in Wailea, watching fireworks on the 4th in Lahaina, even watching little kids hanging onto sheep for dear life to win at a rodeo in this uniquely cowboy town called Makawao.

I really didn’t want to leave! In fact, I was so tired and sad that I picked a fight with my man on the flight home. Luckily, we were made up by the time we hit the ground! I really love Hawaii. <3

I’m finishing up our registry at Baby’s R Us with all of the necessities, and then I will be starting a new one at another one-stop-shop. Probably Juvenile World, or Bellini.

My life has taken such a beautiful turn and I can’t express how grateful I am for the change, the blessings and the new friends I’ve made. I love how, upon acceptance of your life as a truly inexplicable journey, you can enjoy the mellow turns and righteous curves. Some, you secretly hoped for, and others you could never even have imagined in your wildest dreams.

Sending love!


P.S.: I *really* want that t-shirt above! The model even has red hair! Oh! I got some blonde highlights in my hair yesterday. I’ve never had any color added to my naturally scarlet locks, but I’m really indulging in the levity of newness and so… I went for it. It’s fun for summer. I’ll post a pic next week.


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Ann Coulter’s Vagina

I wonder if Ann Coulter’s vagina wants to revolt against her. Devise a powerful plan for some desperate exit. Does it seethe with jealousy at detachable penises? Does it long to ooze red blood all over her stick thin couture? Between menstruation and the next presidential inauguration it waits like a sleeping Cobra for her next faux paus. To further harden and become a sterling statue of a private part. Once soft and amorous to the touch, it – unlike her devilish persona – rots in private.

Few have eaten here. Many have died.



c. Darrah Le Montre, 2014

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This is what’s up…

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Strawberry Me!

There I am, with my new do! I finally got the chutzpah to lighten up my naturally scarlet locks, and also go wavy. It’s so fun! I’ve been so reticent to change my hairstyle and color because 1) natural redheads are so scant – only 1-2% of the population have it 2) Everybody has told me my whole life that I “shouldn’t touch” my hair. It’s been a liberating experience to buck that advice. While I adore who I am and accept myself as fully as I can; body, mind, spirit, rebellion, traditionalism, fear, friendliness and persistent aching for repose, I am eager to embrace change often.

Speaking of change, I am now a mom. Crazy! I like being a mom so much! I feel my daughter is by far my biggest achievement. And, she’s only little still. I can’t believe I made her in my body!! I am breastfeeding and pumping (six times a day), so my time is very regimented and I have to be diligent about the routine. It’s a strange endeavor. It’s so important for me to give her this nourishment, but I won’t lie, it has me a little disconnected from my breasts. Well, how can I explain it? They just have this higher and different function than they did before. And, they’re being pulled at by a machine! That’s odd. However, I am very strong minded and I endure the minor inconvenience of it, because breast milk is best for baby. And, I am willing to sacrifice for her. :)

Earth Mama :)

So many changes are abound. It’s crazy. But, I have a ridiculously supportive man in my life, who listens and helps me to communicate better. He is very successful at life. At maintaining friendships, at loving, at being present, at being distracted by work… hehe, and he’s great at accepting me fully for who I am. We are very honest with each other, and that honesty has afforded us a closeness unrivaled. If you keep secrets from your lovers, you have barricades – walls – that they can’t climb. And, I had walls for so long. It’s nice to be able to receive love from a fine man, and know that I don’t have to lie to him for it. Because that’s not real true love anyway. And, I’m tired of pretending.

I’m trying to get the motivation lately to be more of a participant in my own life. I know that sounds weird. Especially because I’m a mom now and really, there’s nothing that requires one being in the moment more than parenthood. But, I’ve been feeling like I’m listless in my dreams of really being a writer. I’m fatigued at pushing forward and trying to sell my script. I’m sitting in the passenger seat and have lost a certain amount of energy. I would like to remedy this. I’d like to get in the driver’s seat and go! In the meantime, I’m still recovering from birth! This gnawing, this restless energy is a double-edged stiletto. I’ve always had the feeling I wasn’t doing enough. Maybe it’s what keeps me going, but it is always there, sometimes just more loud and biting.

Ideas for resolution (and revolution): waking up early, exercising, meditation, journaling more, healing thoughts, healthy juices, making new friends, going to therapy, getting a trainer, talking to trusted friends, listening better, being in nature, taking a class in an interesting subject, reconnecting with people who know me well, traveling to a state I’ve never been to, using my senses more, drawing, spending time with my daughter, and following my instincts.

Sigh. This will be a good year, I hope. I’ll let you know how things progress.

P.S.: I watched Wolf of Wall Street tonight. I turned it off early. I couldn’t bear it any longer. What a vulgar, useless movie. Shite! However, Dallas Buyer’s Club was fantastic. That and American Hustle rocked the sox off of 2013 popular cinema for me.

P.P.S.: Spent the holidays in a gorgeous big ole cabin in the mountains of Palm Springs. A li’l town called Idyllwild. If you wanna enjoy a really fantastic getaway with *no* chain stores (although, be warned, the businesses have wild hours conducive to their mood) and a friendly, relaxed vibe alongside nature galore, go to Idyllwild. :)

Sending love!

Darrah xo

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Red, White and Femme for SuicideGirls: Thriving in 2014, Clean and Sober

Red, White and Femme: Thriving in 2014, Clean and Sober

DeAnna Jordan, New Method Wellness

With a new year, comes a new chance to build a life with your sobriety as the cornerstone. The holidays – and the challenges they brought – are behind you, and this month of January is the perfect time to think about all that you are grateful for, and all that you hope to achieve in 2014. Is it attending more meetings? Getting a sponsor? A sponsee? Do you hope to travel or reconnect with old friends, but fear that the change might be a trigger to use? I reached out to DeAnna Jordan, the clinical director at New Method Wellness ( rehabilitation center for expert advice. Whatever you choose to do to walk your walk and stay strong, here are some tips to help you along your path. Be well!

Do not give into peer pressure
Your sobriety comes first. If there are functions that make you uncomfortable, say no. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way just to put others at ease.

Surround yourself with positive influences
If you surround yourself with heavy drinkers and users, then your hopes of remaining sober are in serious jeopardy. Surround yourself around people that are responsible and supportive of your sobriety decision.

Do not put yourself near known triggers
If you know the tangible triggers that make you want to use drugs or alcohol, then steer clear of them and place yourself in situations that put you at ease and make you secure and comfortable.

Be social – but be careful
Keeping track of how long you have been at a party can sometimes be key. Staying too long can likely expose an individual to triggers as the party progresses later into the night. Two hours is usually a good maximum to have in mind.

Do practice self-care
Go to meetings, make calls, take time out for yourself, eat well, and sleep well. Take everything a day at a time and make sure that you are keeping track of your needs.

DeAnna Jordan is New Method Wellness’s Clinical Director. She has worked in recovery services for over 20 years, specializing in the maintenance of healthy relationships.

Darrah de jour is a freelance journalist and consultant, with a focus on sensuality, environmentalism, and fearless women in the media. She appears as a “Woman on the Street” on The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet and has contributed to The Conversation website. Her lifestyle writing and celebrity interviews have appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W, among others. She contributes author and filmmaker interviews to The Rumpus and Hollywood Today. Her dating confessions have appeared in GirlieGirl Army and xoJane. Darrah’s “Red, White and Femme” columns for SuicideGirls take a fresh look at females in America – investigating issues like gender, bisexuality, sex work, motherhood and more. Feel free to friend her on Facebook.

Published by SuicideGirls.

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