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Short Hair, Don’t Care

So many changes! Spring is here ~ and as we continue decorating and putting our stamp on the new house, my lil family and I are making strides to keep our lives enthusiastic, gracious and loving. Last night, my partner and I had a very enriching conversation about what changes need to be made. I specifically had major concerns. When you commit to being in a relationship – especially a long-term one, and one that involves a child, the possibility of getting complacent, falling into certain patterns (read: ruts!) and going through the motions on auto-pilot are very possible. All of which I really don’t like. I have a tendency to put up with a certain amount of B.S. for longer than most people, and suddenly realize – after some warnings to my partner, mind you – that I can no longer take it! So, basically that’s where I was at yesterday. We had a major talk, and I think he had some major epiphanies.

He went to the doctor yesterday because I noticed that his hearing has been declining, especially since he got over a cold some months ago. The doctor noticed water behind his ear drum. The doctor also mentioned that usually people have hearing problems and don’t even know it. Until they get into a relationship, that is. The other person brings it to their attention.

I suppose that’s what all of our faults, patterns, flaws, lies, immaturities and so on are. Invisible or tolerable to us, until we get into a partnership and have this giant (hopefully gentle) mirror placed in our path.

I am grateful he received my concerns and today I feel hopeful, sexy and a bit lighter now. It’s a process though, and while he is enthusiastic today, I told him that I need him to stay current with me and I will try to be as honest as I can, because when the newness of a person, or a project, or a goal fades, we still need to recognize it as a process that deserves our time and energy to be maintained and to thrive.

OK, so why the blog title, “Short Hair, Don’t Care”? You’ll see… ;) Below is my new do.

Ladies, looking for a new style and feeling indecisive? Try stealherstyle.net

Happy Spring, my friends! XOXO

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Women and HIV/AIDS: Reality & Hope

New darrahdejour.com contributor Jennifer Sawyer shares information with us about the current state of HIV/AIDS as it affects women in America. 

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Tuesday, March 10, 2015 is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Founded in 2006, National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day was created with the intent to bring awareness to women and girls fighting HIV/AIDS all over the world. In partnering with volunteers, the foundation strives to educate the public on two aspects: Prevention methods and the plight of those suffering from the disease.

What You Need to Know

The spread of HIV/AIDS is still prevalent in today’s society, and many women aren’t getting the care they need. As noted by the Center for Disease Control, even though one in four of those suffering from HIV are women, many of those diagnosed will go on suffering without proper treatment.

“Although most (88%) of women living with HIV in 2011 were aware of their infection, less than half of them (45%) were engaged in medical care,” the CDC reported.

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Reasons for the lack of treatment can vary. In some of the less developed parts of the world, the complex medications and skilled care required to fight the disease simply aren’t available. Sometimes, even when medicine and care are available, many patients cannot afford the hefty price tag that comes with them.

Perhaps just as heartbreaking, some women actually make the conscious decision to obtain from treatment, even when help is available and affordable. According to WomensHealth.gov, “Even when they know their status, about 1 in 4 women postpone medical care because of barriers such as family, depression, or threat of partner violence.”

National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day helps give these women a voice, especially the ones who can’t speak for themselves.

SAFE SEX

How You Can Protect Yourself

Avoid becoming another statistic, and diligently practice preventative methods. No matter your age, race, gender, or sexual orientation, if you’re sexually active, you can contract HIV/AIDS and other STIs. When engaging in any kind of sexually activity, it’s critical that you use protection.

As explained in the Safer Sex
Guide from AdamEve.com
, practicing abstinence is the only way to be 100 percent safe. However, using latex condoms significantly decreases the likelihood of the disease transmitting between partners, making it a relatively “low-risk” activity. They advise that condoms should be used during oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse. Always use the appropriate protection during each activity (male or female prophylactics) and use a fresh prophylactic during each intimate act with every partner.

The only way to know for sure that you do or do not have HIV/AIDS is to get tested. If you’re sexually active, see your doctor, and get tested regularly. Visit AIDS.gov today for more information, and see what you can do to spread awareness and support the cause!

Editor’s Note: One of darrahdejour.com’s favorite sex education and conversation sites is Scarleteen: Sex Education for the Real World

Jennifer Sawyer is a full-time student studying Public Health, and residing in Boston. She fills every free moment she has consuming coffee, writing to-do lists, and promoting sexual health in all ages, genders, and sexual orientations. Follow her on Twitter.

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faith isn’t easy

 

some lost body parts and some lost their breath

some broke their hearts and dropped their bags, and looted stores

and nothing would be the same again.

kids got shot and men got shot down.

and nothing would be the same again.

we got lost and found again and by the time i hit 15 i was a believer with a growling belly.

by the time he shotgunned smoke into my mouth, i questioned god time and again until Interview With A Vampire seemed

like a good idea. I fell asleep on his shoulder while he urged me awake to see

the end of the Crying Game.

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Who knew years ago, years later standing here with binary and polarity as more of strangers than they were then or even a few

years ago.

Who knew I’d pray to believe in the crucifixion because i need to believe again.

And the sour jokes about religion and the way he looks at me when I pray. Like he loves me more than ever.

But still he says he believes in nothing but seems more faithful than anybody

I’ve begun to pray sitting in my bed and in the midst of the down feathers and the stuffed animals and my dog;

i feel uneasy. Faith is supposed to be hard, isn’t it?

With rough edges and broomsticks on the knees. Splintered hands. Dry mouths from fasting.

Faith is supposed to hurt. Like self-flagellating priests and sinning and repenting.

Faith has spikes and whips and kicks you when you don’t need it enough.

Like marriage or a job or working out. All of which I’ve loved before. We look at married people and think: it must be easy

because they committed to it. No, we don’t. We know it’s hard. It seems to go against human nature to

marry one person and screw one person forever. But, we do it with the best of intentions. And I will soon.

 

And we look at religious people like it’s easier for them. Because they made the choice. They committed to it. So they

have the answers – more answers than we. But, they are as meandering as we. Just toppled over with guilt, right?

Or is there not one kind of refugee from the brink of faithlessness?

Is it not faith that licks us clean, and pours water down our throat and lifts us up and reminds us of our divinity?

The salve that hides between the cars and canteens and leaves that cotton candy taste when all we want is to be bad again

because being bad kind of does that same thing. Only those night sweats kick you in the balls reminding you that faith isn’t easy.

I suppose it’s hard-won like all good things. And being born full of faith makes you punish yourself more when you want

to surrender to the darkness and believe you can do anything you want because you want it. Perhaps the restraint could be a kink

and the straightest edge could be like a Swiss knife cutting your back, slicing the skin in finite patterns until you begin to hide the scars.

You smile whenever you lean back and feel the grief of repercussion.

faith isn’t easy, because god’s smarter than that, i’n’t he?

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What I Want In A Man

I found this blog entry draft that I never published. I really love going back and reading things I felt/experienced from a few years ago and reflecting on where I was in my life then, and where I am now. This list is actually incredibly helpful and I believe it guided me to my current partner. Care to read the inner tickings of my then-dating heart? <3

“As yet another fleeting relationship with a man comes to an end, I gather my pride (not too much was lost, thank goodness), my reasons for leaving, my memories of really delicious vegan food outings, and smile that I have an even sharper, more honed sense of what I want in a partnership — essentially, a friendship-based relationship with my soulmate.

My editor and great friend asked me to write a list of non-negotiables straight from my dating heart; in an effort to narrow the road to my divine love.  I have no idea what I’m going to write, but I will try not to edit too much.  Here goes!

*Has integrity, discipline and self-love, with love to spare* without these there is nothing.

1) No smokers

2) No narcissists

3) Must love kids, dogs, and be mostly vegetarian

4) Must love the ocean

5) Must be a kind human being.  Nuff said!

6) Must be marriage-minded

7) Must absolutely – with all of their being – love and adore me.  Support my endeavors, understand my plight, be around enough to really know me, and give me enough space to grow and soar.

8) Not be jealous.

9) Not necessarily have a drug addled past, as most of my exes do.

10) Have a strong love for their mother

11) Be very sexually attracted to me and have a high sex drive.

12) Be into monogamy, with me able to explore with women at times with or without him present.

13) Love himself, respect himself, be health-focused, progressive politically, non-judgmental, a feminist, humanist and animal lover.

14) Must have some kind of spiritual path.

15) See a future for us that he is willing to invest time, energy, money, imagination, his spirit and his body in.

16) Be present for us.

17) Not be out of town more than in town.

18) Be an affectionate person.  A sensual person.  Not a grouch!

19) Love life and the people in it.

20) Have a connection to nature, travel, instinct, be intuitive, able to listen and receive lessons from me a well as teach me.  Have a professorial nature without condescension, and above all, value closeness, and be able to see the details as well as the big picture.

21) Be financially thriving with the ability to rebuild as needed; ambitious and able-minded.

22) Like strong women, pedestalize without knocking down.

23) Wants one fantasy girl, not a hundred.

24) No sex addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics or other active abusers, or addicts that run shitty recovery programs.  Sorry.  Been there and done that.  Many many times.

25) Somebody that lives in the present.  Is not depressed all the time, is not overly religious, has a sense of the power and urgency of now without a ton of anxiety, and can sit and breathe inside his flesh and blood without distraction, hatred or self loathing, or a need to criticize others to bolster his ego; is unusually evolved sexually, spiritually, and emotionally, and mentally – somebody brilliant and well-read, who values education and the school of hard knocks, who is not riding the high horse to heaven or hell, has developed ideas of how he feels politically, and romantically, and about women – is not a female novice; does not hold grudges, loves kids, loves the beach, hiking and camping (to get me outdoors more), can respect that I need a lot of time alone, take extra time to make decisions sometimes, has the patience to love me unconditionally, and realizes — upon first meeting me, that his life cannot go on in any capacity with the sparkle and light and thunder that he so desires it to, if he doesn’t snatch me up and take me off the market.  Because he now sees everything he was missing, in one single glance.”

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Darrah Goes Hardcore

Screen Shot 2012-06-19 at 7.01.24 PM

Hey guys, I had so much fun filming a few scenes for bestselling zen author Brad Warner’s part-real, part-fiction documentary HARDCORE ZEN. Below is a sneak peek of my role as Debra. If you’re one of the lucky 100 who get the DVD with extras, you’ll get to see me in a super raunchy and funny sex scene.


[Zen and Fame: A sneak peek of Darrah’s role as a zen groupie in Brad Warner Documentary – VIDEO]

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

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Freaks & Geeks: Darrah Interviewed on Dark Mark Radio Show!

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As part of a very informal press “tour” for the spoof zombie movie, ZOMBIE BOUNTY HUNTER, M.D., I appeared on Goth Comedian Dark Mark’s radio show/podcast at Skidrow Studios about a week ago. Smart and funny Dark Mark and his devilish co-host Josi Kat (Singer for punk band PISS ANT, founder of THE FEARLEADERS, the cheerleading squad to the LA Derby Dolls Roller Derby Team) interviewed me and my blonde, bespectacled co-star Hannah Elizabeth Pierce with director Pirooz Kalayeh. We dished about naughty behind-the-scenes tidbits, dating older men, and later, sideshow performer Whodini sixteenninetytwo showed off his dangerous side.

Watch the full video of our interview below! Listen to the podcast, here.


[DARRAH ON DARK MARK’S RADIO SHOW – VIDEO]

A little about Goth Comedian Dark Mark: He has hosted at The CONVERGENCE 18 GOTH FESTIVAL, The SAN LUIS OBISBO GOTH FESTIVAL, The DEAD FLESH FEAST HORROR FESTIVAL, The SUNSET STRIP MUSIC FESTIVAL (also featuring Marilyn Manson, Offspring, Bad Religion and De La Soul) as well as Kinky shows at S & M Dungeons and has been featured on Andy Dick Live! Mark has been a 9-time LA Times Comedy pick of the week as well as being a Las Vegas Citylife pick of the week. Mark White has performed with the biggest names in comedy including performers such as Steven Wright, Jerry Seinfeld, Margaret Cho, Dane Cook, Andrew “Dice” Clay, Damon Wayans, Otto and George, Eddie Griffin, Jeff Ross, Maria Bambford, and George Lopez among others.

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Activists Stand On Shaky Ground

Activists fight daily against oppression in myriad ways. Whether you are defending the rights of animals; taking sides in the “War on Terror” or trying your damnedest to legalize marijuana, you risk burnout. pattrice jones’s new book Aftershock aims to help pro-active peaceful warriors with activist overwhelm.  It includes practical tips for individuals, organizations, and communities, as well as info about how traumatic events affect our bodies (read: PTSD).

Don’t let your passions break you. As an animal lover and vegetarian since a teenager, I’ve passionately mounted ideas and movements, like environmentalism, recycling, HIV/AIDS fundraising, etc. only to become burdened by the sadness that surrounds these heavy issues. I look forward to delving into Aftershock. If you pick it up, leave me a note and let me know if it helped!

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Zombie Bounty Hunter, M.D.

Hey friends!

I had the pleasure of working with director Pirooz Kalayeh (SHOPLIFTING FROM AMERICAN APPAREL) and bestselling Zen author Brad Warner on a fun zombie spoof movie! If you happen to remember, I had a two-day shoot with this team in 2012 as part of HARDCORE ZEN, a mockumentary about Warner’s life as a Zen monk. I played Debra, a Zen groupie.

For ZOMBIE BOUNTY HUNTER, M.D., I play Lara Steele of Steele News, a blogger on a mission, during the zombie apocalypse! Watch the Indiegogo campaign trailer below, and please support us so we can play at festivals and spread our debauchery nationwide!

The Indiegogo fundraiser has some pretty cool perks, such as artwork by Jeffrey Brown (DARTH VADER & SON) digital downloads of the soundtrack featuring SPINDRIFT, autographed books by Brad Warner, and DVDs, Blu Rays, and flash drives with all kinds of extras.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Thanks & Kiss! xoxo

Lara Steele – Blogger from Pirooz Kalayeh on Vimeo.

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Daisy Sighs

In her crib she twists with a snorting nose

waiting for me to fix it.

Her skin melts the touch. Softer than the softest petal.

Her laughing is sudden and contagious. Her smiles are a game of Where’s Waldo.

So gratifying is Daisy.

 

Her hair is full and plenty – from the start. Dark and light both. Eyebrows of blonde and orange.

She holds my finger so tightly. Sometimes, her nails scratch me when she’s startled.

Gripping for safety. I’ll keep you safe.

All of life is worth another ticking clock and exhale; when Daisy sighs.

 

Can’t wait to see you in the morning, Daisy!

Reaching for her and pulling her in. Smelling her unique baby scent. Every eyelash, I’ve memorized.

I’ll spend eternity remembering you.

My sweet petal of a girl. So furiously strong for your size. Every want I will meet as I can, sweet Daisy.

Your music already has me under your spell. Your daddy too.

 

The clicking keys have woken you. As you daydream in bed. About the books we read you, perhaps? The puppets we

model in front of your face? The sparkling, glittery lights of the tranquil turtle toy? Or the brand new faces that peer into your path, before your protective mommy pushes them away, by covering you with a blanket.

Or maybe, milk. Expressed from my breasts. For your life to continue with vigor. My breath of spring. Oh, Daisy.

Healthy and strong. Happy and deliciously addictive. A field of life beside me everyday! How lucky I’ve become. Everyday.

Daisy… my daisy… my daisy… my daisy.


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Bun in the Oven!

Found this from when I was preggers in July! Guess I never hit send! (And, yes, I did find the shirt… ;)

I’m so thrilled to be pregnant and everyday is so special. Today, I was doing great, getting things unpacked and enjoying my new abode, when all of the sudden I got really tired! I laid down and two and a half hours later, I woke up to the front door opening and my honey getting home from work. The weather, hormones, activity, and how difficult it is to find a comfy position during the night all contribute to the necessity of mid-day naps!! ;)

I’m so grateful to have the most amazing man to call my own and the father of my baby. He’s super supportive, understanding, masculine and creative and is always finding ways to make me feel alive, centered and adored.

The pregnancy has definitely brought my family closer. My mom is stoked and we talk more often.

I’m eating very healthily, with a few cravings, such as: citrus fruits, pickle juice, vegetarian cuisine (I had to give up my beloved sushi!), and a major change was adding some dairy to my diet, which was previously a no-no, as I’m lactose-intolerant. Your body needs what it needs, and I’ve preferred vanilla yogurt and a few other dairy items (ice cream!) during this radical and fabulous time. And, I can’t get enough sour candy – Sour Patch Kids and gummy worms are my favorite. ;)

My honey and I had an amazing holiday in Hawaii, visiting Maui and indulging in oceanside massages, shopping in Wailea, watching fireworks on the 4th in Lahaina, even watching little kids hanging onto sheep for dear life to win at a rodeo in this uniquely cowboy town called Makawao.

I really didn’t want to leave! In fact, I was so tired and sad that I picked a fight with my man on the flight home. Luckily, we were made up by the time we hit the ground! I really love Hawaii. <3

I’m finishing up our registry at Baby’s R Us with all of the necessities, and then I will be starting a new one at another one-stop-shop. Probably Juvenile World, or Bellini.

My life has taken such a beautiful turn and I can’t express how grateful I am for the change, the blessings and the new friends I’ve made. I love how, upon acceptance of your life as a truly inexplicable journey, you can enjoy the mellow turns and righteous curves. Some, you secretly hoped for, and others you could never even have imagined in your wildest dreams.

Sending love!

Darrah

P.S.: I *really* want that t-shirt above! The model even has red hair! Oh! I got some blonde highlights in my hair yesterday. I’ve never had any color added to my naturally scarlet locks, but I’m really indulging in the levity of newness and so… I went for it. It’s fun for summer. I’ll post a pic next week.

XOX

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